fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
