Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
