Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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