I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
