Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
