I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
