so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
love makes seman taste better
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
