I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
