Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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