I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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