Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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