I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
