We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize