suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
