I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
