i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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