thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
