my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
