Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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