I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
