Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
