She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
