A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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