why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
