i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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