The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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