I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
