I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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