heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
