i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
