Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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