so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
