If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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