Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
