apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
