You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
