first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
