U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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