69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
