at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
