Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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