I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
