I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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