He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
