I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
