Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
