I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
