He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
