Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
