Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
