I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
