i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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