i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
