I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
