I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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