Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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