These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
