I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
