Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
