when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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