i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
