woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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