i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
