nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
