think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
