This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
