It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
