she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
