I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
