My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
