I love black thongs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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